SPIN DOCTOR

The Cher-tastic Peter Burns gets lippy with Paul Burston.

Pete Burns answers the door with one hand covering his face. 'Don't look at me!' he says, backing away. 'It's horrible!' What's this, you wonder — some new cosmetic procedure gone horribly wrong? Actually, no. It turns out Pete has been busy experimenting with a new foundation, the same one worn by Cher. The effect is, to say the least, startling. With his long dark wig and ghostly complexion he looks uncannily like the lady herself, but with much bigger lips. The changing face of Pete Burns is a source of much media speculation. That, and his 20-year marriage to wife Lynne.

 'I'm welcome on any chat show I wanna go on,' he says in his trademark Scouse drawl. 'So long as l talk about surgery, sex and the secrets of a long-lasting marriage. Nobody wants to talk about the record. I wish I'd never mentioned the cosmetic surgery. I could have really amused myself by denying it. Now it's all anybody wants to talk about — surgery, sex, and why did I leave the music industry?' For the record, Pete Burns never left the music industry. Long after Dead or Alive's popularity had waned at home, he enjoyed massive success in Japan. Now he's back, with a new version of his biggest hit 'You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)', and a greatest hits collection, 'Evolution'. Produced by Brian Rawlings (whose credits include Cher's 'Believe'), 'You Spin Me' never sounded better, and has gone down extremely well in the clubs. So you can understand Pete's frustration that the radio seems so resistant to it. 

'We've had no airplay,' he says. 'The radio stations didn't support the record the first time round. But l was told that things had changed now. I was told they'd like someone with a bit of colour, and Cher's foundation. But they didn't. l woke up one morning and the radio was on and l heard the intro to my record. I couldn't believe it. It was the first time I'd woken up to my record on the radio. Then I heard this voice on my record, and it wasn't me. It was Dannii fookin' Minogue!' Despite this, Burns swears he's not bitter. 'I don't begrudge anyone else having hit records.' What, not even Will Young? 'l don't see any of the "Pop Idol" kids staying around for very long. Will Young's got a lovely voice, but so what? And what's Gareth Gates gonna do next? A cover of Paul Hardcastle's "N, N, N, Nineteen"? But it's not their fault, is it? It's the music industry's fault. They want people they can control more easily. I think we'll see a lot of casualties from "Pop Idol". When the hits dry up, what'll happen then?

 There's only so many spreads in Hello you can sell. There's only so many times you car get married or come back with a wonderful new figure.' Burns was never particularly interested in playing the fame game, and finds today's celebrity culture deeply worrying. 'I can't understand people who want to be famous simply for the sake of being famous. I'm still bewildered by Liz Hurley. What the fuck does she do? I know she does the Estée Lauder campaign, but that's about three weeks' work a year, posing fora few photos. And I know she's supposed to do something to do with film, but what exactly? It must be very tiring just being famous and having to go to all those film premieres. Some agent rang me up recently, offering to send me to parties and bar mitzvahs. Cos you get money for that, y'know. Thankfully, l don't need it.' Still, the offers keep coming in.

 'l was asked to go on "Celebrity Wife Swap". I was asked to go on "Reborn In The USA". And what's the one where they throw you in the jungle? "I Used To Be A Celebrity, Let Me Back In There". I was asked to go on that too. Trust me, I look great in a loincloth. But what the fuck would I do in the jungle?' The one thing he hasn't been asked to do, it seems, is go on TV and sing. 'Apparently that's the last thing I am these days, a singer. But what am I gonna do? Worry? I'm not gonna worry. I'm gonna stay at home and play with Cher's foundation.'

 (Published in “Time Out London”, May 2003)