THIRD DEGREE BURNS
YOUTHQUAKE
(Epic)
Frankly Pete Burns was always
my favourite gender bender. Even when you wouldn't be seen dead (or alive) without your
pigtail and George O'Dowd was clearly destined to be the next Prime Minister, ol' Pete was
still a bit of a winner. All he ever seemed to do was sit in Liverpool bitching and being
enigmatic, but it was enough - Terry Wogan became a national institution on less.
And when he got a hit... well, that was the icing on the cake. Crummy record, of course -
KC & The Sunshine Band were wretched enough first time round and hardly a suitable
case for treatment by my favourite gender bender. When he turned up again at number one
recently then we were really in business.
To be fair, "You Spin Me Round" was and is a half-decent blast of nonsense. Not Einstein in the lyric department, of course, but gripping enough in a mindless sor of way. I mean... if it came on at a party and you'd drunk most of that week's consignment of Carlsberg out of Denmark, then there's an excellent chance you'd consider getting up for a frug.
The problem occurs when you realize that the whole of the side one appears to be occupied by the same backing track. Now this could be deliberate. You know, stream of consciousness music specifically designed not to confuse pissed friggers at parties... there's nothing worse than the carnage caused to an abrupt change in tempo. There are just too many people frugging while unfit through drink these days.
In the privacy of your own Sony Walkman, however, this admirable solution to the world's frugging problems has its irritationsz. One long rhythmic pulse embedded in your brain swiftly causes migraine, despite the token bouts of exciting innovations like scratching and vocoders, not to mention one slower (ie, even tamer) number, "In Too Deep".
The other cuts, mostly decorated with midly gimmicky choruses and flaunting silly titles like "I Wanna Be A Toy", "DJ Hit That Button" and "Big Daddy Of Rhythm", are simply good to dance to - which is what they used to say on "Juke Box Jury" whenever they couldn't think of anything nice to say about a record.
Side two, however, is a whole different ball of fire. It does, after all, include the great "Lover Come Back To Me", immortalised by the rhyming of "lonely" with "telephone me". And before even that momentous high, we are treated to "Cake And Eat It", an extraordinary explosion of what I can only describe as funk psychedelia. All mystic and Indian before settling into a thunderous beat, this is the album's one track of tru inspiration and draws from Burns his only real vocal test. That he comes through it with colours flying makes it all the mor disappointing that his voice isn't used to more devastating effect throughout the rest of the jungle. Mostly the vocals appear to have been mixed into the shed at the bottom of the garden.
"My Heart Goes Bang" and "It's Been A Long Time" indeed suggest there could be a genuinely inspiring rock band somewhere in that dull mix trying to get out; but whether through lack of confidence or some misguided vision about themselves being the ultimate glam-funk overlords, it's all buried by the spectre of Moroder that hangs over the proceedings.
I can't in all honesty put my hand on my heart and wholeheartedly recommend "Youthquake" (awful title) to you. But Pete's still my favourite gender bender.
Colin Irwin (Melody Maker, 11.05.85)