CALL ME OSTENTATIOUS

... And gimme the hits, the limos, the mink coats too. So says the original post-punk primadonna, Dead Or Alive's Pete Burns. On hand with the tranquilisers: Betty Page.

The man in black with the wicked twinkle in his eye is probably, at this very moment, having a ball. His single is in the top five and all is well with the world. He is quite conceivably languishing in a silk-sheeted bed, handmade truffles resting in exquisitely manicured hand, blinds drawn, living out the primadonna pop star myth to its logical conclusion.
The man is Pete Burns, the single is Dead Or Alive's "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)", and it's been rotating round the charts (Frankie style) since last November - for about 15 weeks already. All this in the face of extreme critical indifference to DOA's transformation from outcast, untrendy Liverpool cult band to trashy, flashy highly energetic chartbound dance machine.
We've had Strawberry Switchblade, King, it was only natural that DOA should crack the nuts. Pete Burns reminisces: "We've been a big cult band, we've been lucky. When I started off in an indie group in Liverpool, which was very arty farty, I was really on the outside - all those groups didn't wanna know.
"In the indie scene you never thought about the mainstream charts, but now it's all geared towards one thing. I hadn't dedicated my life to appearing on TOPT - honest to God, it never mattered. But now it's becoming a major obsession, is chartland.
"I got this letter recently from somebody who bought all my independent singles - mug - and had written this six pages character assassination of how I'd once given people who cared something good and now I'd gone along with the record company and sold myself out. But the silly git, if only he knew the fight we had since day one - it was hard to get taken seriously."
DOA signed to Epic Records a couple of years ago, probably as token Scouse weirdos that could be softened up round the edges. The lads didn't soften, there was no sudden desire to be Kajagoogoo, and they made a very saucy album - "Sophisticated Boom Boom" - which no-one seemed to realise was dead rude.
Pete smiles to himself: "A lot of it's send up. I'm gonna have my laugh out of this if it's the last thing I do. I think the way I'm s'posed to come across is really humourless. I'm so flippant, and I'm trying to curb it to present this serious deadpan thing, but I'm not really. I have a laugh, a good sense of humour. When we did our last album, nobody twigged to the humour."

And thus, their cutesome cover of KC's "That's The Way (I Like It)" had to be a hit, despite Pete's wondrous flirtation with rubber leotards on TOPT. But then there was an ominous silence. Pete explains:
"After Frankie got banned, the BBC went through everything with toothcomb. When we put out "What I Want", the reissue, they said it was smutty, they'd clicked. It wasn't outright smut, but they wouldn't play it. They won't even ban you now, they just ignore it - that's what happened to Divine, it mysteriously disappeared."
And so did Dead Or Alive, to America. It was the beginning of the end of an era. "We actually had no intention of thinking about the American market", says Pete, "you don't think like that unless you're capitalist about it. Suddenly we were whisked over there 'cos they thought they had the next big thing. I didn't like touring, it nearly killed me. I was having nervous breakdowns, losing suitcases, I hated it. Gigging's for rock people."
East coast traumas heralded a total management restructure situation. "When I went to New York I had to go to the doctor to get some tranquilisers", remembers sensitive Mr B. "I haven't got a mental weakness, but I was so wound up all the time thinking I'm fighting everyone, a constant 24 hour fight, I was going apeshit. I got nervous asthma and couldn't breath. 25 and taking tranquilisers like a middle-aged housewife - time to change things."
So now the butterfly has new wings, the image has been toned down and spruced up; it seems, eventually, to have worked. This is what Pete said last November: "Everyone's predicting this record to be top five. I don't know if it will be - I'll be disappointed if it isn't. If it gets to 45 it'll be a victory for us, 'cos we didn't go along with a lot of things we were supposed to do, so a lot of doors where shut for us. But I know that probably in a year I'll have disappeared and people will be saying 'what's he doing now'?"

Uncanny, Eh? Maybe it won't be long before Pete engineers himself the ideal pop enigma scenario: no interviews, please. "If I have my way I'll never have to do them again after this", says the fragile one. "We're trying to concentrate on the record, not roping me out for everything except suitable things. I don't think you'll see me in Titbits or Woman's Own, that's not where I wanna be.
"That bastard Prince doesn't have to do an interview, they just put him on the cover, he's so lucky. It's high camp but I wonder how long it'll wash with people. I think it's quite funny the way he gets all over everything. I think his music sounds a bit dated. I blushed all the way through "Purple Rain" - that album's banned in our house. I didn't like the film even though I've just bought wardrobes full of purple stuff."
Purple's rather a neurotic colour, didn'tcha know, Pete me old dear? "Neurotic? Hmmm, suitable, maybe that's why I like it. We tried to do our new flat in relaxing colours. The last one was hilarious - leopardskin walls, ceilings, couches... you saw spots. This time we've gone very Conran. Still, purple must reflect something in my personality."
So out go the spots, and out goes the mouth-on-a-stick angry young man stance. Pete: "Specially coming from Liverpool, they're used to bands being angry young men, what whit the Wylie thing. I know he used to be the angry responsible young man. I'm not. I'm pretty stupid and irresponsible, really. I'm not angry about much.
"People are always trying to make you speak on politics, but I'm just not interested really. I'm doing OK, I'm alright Jack. Frankie made no difference, neither did "The War Song", it didn't tell anybody anything. I doubt if you'll see us hammering out a protest song."
Out also is Pete Burns as all-round bitch; he'll be reluctant to get involved in public slagging sessions. "I think it's unfair to judge what other musicians have been doing", he says in an uncharacteristically retrained moment. "Like that one nick Heyward did about us, when we got him with fire extinguishers. He shouldn't have been so flippant. It's so easy to say 'pile or crap', I won't do it. I couldn't go to the toilet with a clear conscience."

The hit single hurdle successfully negotiated, we await the supersmash album. How will it sound? Pete: "We actually found a production team that was churning it out - Pete Waterman who did the Divine single, and Hazell Dean. We couldn't mess around experimenting, we wanted it done really quickly. It'll be funny, though not as rude as the last one - You can't keep telling the same joke. "Spin Me Round" is quite different from that, more of a proper song. We've done this great track called "Lover Come Back To Me", it's really funny. I hope that's a single."
Aaah, sweet success: a lifestyle beckons into which Mr Burns will definitely fit like a velveteen shoulder-length glove. He won't have to wait for the limousines much longer. "I was pining for the limos when we weren't working. I nearly went potty on them before. It's the best bit of it - anyone, sign a deal, make a record and get a limo sent for you - that's funny. We used to commandeer them for shopping sprees. I mean, how many normal people get to sit in limos? You can be sick in it, shit in it, shag in it and they've all got to put up with it 'cos they go 'this is rock'n'roll'."
This is where we came in: picture the scene - Pete, reclining, cucumber on his eyes, ice-pack on his brow... "I can really get carried away", he confirms... "It's wonderful - blinds drawn full time, in bed with me chocolates saying 'no, no, tell them I won't to do it!'. Last year I acted out every fantasy about every freaked out flapped out Hollywood queen I ever had.
"When we have hit records I could order a mink, really go potty. I'm a prize pratt. I had a great time before, and I'll go just the same way now. I bought a diamond nose ring, got me teeth capped with gold... I think the world's ostentatious..."

(Record Mirror, 09.03.85)

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